DANGER!! RUN!!! . . .that your life may be spared!! Flee sexual immorality!! Brothers & Sisters, flee it! For it truly is a living-death!! Or more accurately, it leaves one living in a state of perpetual death!
This warning is just as much of a warning to myself as anyone else that may read this. Truly, I’m posting this as a remind to myself, for I’ve been spending the last 2 weeks, give a few extra days, living in a constant turmoil. A turmoil of fear & terror… believing that I cannot tell anyone the thoughts, feelings, attitude and behaviors that have been running through my head… and that I’ve acted on… and still, it keeps wanting to feed all-the-more! I’ve been crying out, “God, why am I in SO MUCH pain – and I don’t even know what it is, Lord, Father?! I’m clueless. For myself personally, it’s eroticizing everything! It’s a disease. It’s a trap. It’s at least the seemingly-impossible way of trying to separate that which is pure & lovely, and without blemish, from that which has been blemished, and is hollow, empty. . . and if you ever get this far; grotesque! This is a result of the inherent condition that every human being after Adam & Eve we’re born with when they came screaming into this world from their mother’s womb. . . Sin. A heart that’s diseased by a fallen nature to live according to the perfection of a perfect, loving, intimately involved, Heavenly Father! . . . Though, there is a Hope!
When I think back, as I was only a few minutes ago, for the first time in a long time – I’m not rightly sure how long it’s truthfully been – since I’ve been able to glimpse in my minds-eye, a pure, unblemished, holy, innocent form of femininity. The way I used to see femininity in its purest & lovely state, back when I was a little boy – who hadn’t yet been tainted by the twisting and distorting of sexuality and the beauty of God’s blessed design of gender – who first saw the glimpse of a little girl. In that moment, I’m certain I wasn’t gawking w/ my mouth open, but better yet, I was taken in by a glimpse of mysterious creature; one of pure fascination – not twisted. This outward unblemished & mysterious visual of this creature was & is in fact a representation – something to remember of the beauty in Jesus’ character that which is of a feminine nature. Not that woman possessed it first and then Jesus, but quite the reversal!
Lord Jesus, bring restoration! Open my eyes and the eyes of others that they may see that which is not seen, & open my ears and the ears of others that they may hear, for your honor and glory…and for our Joy w/ a life restored to us that we couldn’t save. Amen!